Sing in me Muse, and through me tell the story of those two radical bros who straight up tore a new one in those Trojan dickheads, and how the might of their friendship inspired bros all over the world to be even half as cool as them. I tell, of course, the story of those two legendary heroes: Brodysseus and Swagamemnon, peerless warriors and tightest buds, who razed Troy to the ground to rescue the fair Hellafine, despite the fact that she was pretty down with being in Troy (she was happily married to her himbo Paris after all), and the fact that she very willingly left Manaleus, and… well you get the idea. Manaleus hopped on his ship, The Deflowerer to talk to Brodysseus and Swagamemnon, who were busy owning in the gladiatorial ring despite the fact that WHO CARES if that was a Roman thing, it’s COOL. They had just tag-teamed their eighth superhydra when Manaleus found them. “Dudes,” he said, “Some a-hole just made off with my wife.” “Harsh,” said Brodysseus, whose pecs gleamed so b...
Weeks passed, and Tanzik was stuck pacing around his dungeon cell thankfully that he was at least able to do so. He had made his peace with death, and was waiting impatiently for the execution. He didn’t want to die, but he knew it was inevitable and would rather have it done sooner than later. In the early afternoon, his cell door opened and a guard tossed a pair of shackles at him. “Put them on,” she said. Tanzik complied and she dragged him out of the cell and pushed him toward the exit. She kept behind him with her sword drawn, telling him which way to go when they got to intersections in the dungeon. As they left, Tanzik felt the warmth of the sun and smiled. It was still cold, but it was more sunlight than he had seen since he was arrested. “Keep moving,” the guard said, pushing him forward again. She led him to a large fort-like building made of steel and stone that stood imposingly among the massive courtyard that surrounded it. Tanzik assumed this was the Bastion, the part of ...